Body image and gender issues

I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anybody who has been reading my journal for a while - nor to anyone who has known me for any length of time - that I have some serious body image issues and gender insecurity. Both of them had dissipated a bit for a while, starting when I went "full time" on my first day back at work. And in all honesty, I've yet to experience a negative reaction or an obvious confused look out in public. Unfortunately, I seem to be experiencing a resurgence. It has gotten bad enough that I started crying while trying to decide what to wear this morning, even though I normally love every piece of clothing I tried on. People are constantly brushing aside my concerns and assuring me that I look fine (and some people are quite enthusiastic about it, even), but all I see in the mirror is a boy body. Sure, my face is okay and - small as they may be - I clearly have boobs, but still... no hips, no butt, no waist definitions... I feel like I look like a guy. And it is getting worse.I'm not sure why my self-image is going downhill so seriously lately. If I wasn't on such constant dosages, I would almost suspect a hormone issue. I'm bumping up against my maximum weight again (190 lbs), and while much of that is muscle, there is still plenty of fat that could be lost, so that doesn't help. I haven't been getting as much exercise as usual for various transient reasons, and I'm sure that doesn't help either. I've had some positive affirmation recently from relationship situations, but as screwy as my brain is, I almost wonder if that contributes more to the problem than the solution, as I tend to assume that anybody who likes me is just so biased by their feelings that they can't see me clearly.Regardless of the etiology, my self-image is on a serious downward spiral lately, and that sabotages my confidence in terms of gender presentation, which makes it difficult to step through the front door in the morning, which feeds all sorts of tendencies I have to wander off into emotional pathology.Spiff.